THE CHALLENGE
A mother's experience: When he is upset, my two-year-old launches into a
fit of screaming, stomping, and thrashing about. I wonder: ‘Is my
child normal? Does he throw tantrums because of something I am doing
wrong? Will he ever grow out of this?’
You can help change his/her behavior. But what could be contributing to it.
Small children have limited experience in handling
their emotions. That factor alone can lead to an occasional tantrum.
But there is more.
Think about the change that a child experiences at
about age two. From the time that he was born, his parents catered to
his every need. If he cried, for example, they came running. ‘Is the baby sick? Does he need to be fed? soothed? changed?’ The
parents did whatever was needed to make things better. And that was
proper because a baby is fully dependent upon his parents.
At about age two, however, a child begins to realize that his parents are catering to him less and less. In fact, instead of their serving his needs, they expect him to comply with their wishes. The tables have turned, and a two-year-old may not take well to the change without protest
In time, a child usually adjusts to the fact
that his parents are his instructors, not just his caretakers. In the meantime, a child may test every fiber of his parents’ patience with one tantrum after another (can be annoying).
But what can you do?
Be understanding. Your child is
not a miniature adult. Having little experience in dealing with his
emotions, he may overreact when he is upset. Try to see the situation
through his eyes
Stay calm. When your child is having a tantrum, losing your temper will not help. To the extent possible, ignore the tantrum and react matter-of-factly. Remembering why tantrums occur will help you to stay calm.
Hold your ground. If you give
in to whatever it is your child is demanding, he will likely throw
another tantrum the next time he wants something. Calmly show your child
that you mean what you say.
Be patient. Do not expect
tantrums to disappear overnight, especially if you have given your child
reason to believe that his behavior will sway you. If you react
properly and consistently, however, the tantrums will likely diminish.
Eventually, they will stop altogether.
Also, try the following:
- When the tantrum begins, hold your child in your arms (if possible) and, without hurting him, restrict him from thrashing about. Do not shout at your child. Just wait for the storm to pass. Eventually, the child will realize that the tantrum has got him nowhere.
- Designate an area where you can put your child when he has a tantrum. Tell him that he may come out when he has calmed down, and then leave him there.
- If your child has a tantrum in public, remove him from the view of others. Do not give in just because he is making a spectacle. That will only leave your child with the message that by throwing a tantrum, he can get whatever he wants.