Rielyn Co

THE CHALLENGE Each time a conflict arises, you and the other person unleash a torrent of criticism at each other. Hurtful speech has become so common around us that it is now our “normal” style of communication. If this is happening in your marriage, school, work, etc, you can stop the pattern. First, though, you need to consider the causes and why it is in your best interests to make changes. WHY IT HAPPENS Family background. Many people were raised in homes where hurtful speech was common. You may be repeating the type of language you heard from your parents. Influence of entertainment. Film and television comedies turn rude speech into a laughing matter, leaving the viewer with the impression that it is harmless —or even funny. Culture. Some societies teach that “real men” are domineering or that women need to be fiercely aggressive so as not to appear weak. During a conflict, you may view the other as adversaries and use words that hurt rather than h...

IT SEEMS so ironic: Even when people face the threat of losing their job, their home, and even their pension, many of them are still obsessed with getting anything and everything that money can buy. Such people are easy targets for advertisers, whose seductive marketing campaigns tell us that we must have a bigger home, a better car, and brand-name clothes. No cash? No problem —buy on credit! For many, the goal is to look well-off even if they are deep in debt.

In addition to the external pressure we face from marketing, our own feelings and habits can contribute to excessive spending. Here are six suggestions that has help me keep spending under control. You might find it useful too:-) Resist impulse buying. Do you enjoy the excitement of shopping and finding a bargain? If so, you may tend to purchase on impulse. To resist, slow down and think realistically about the long-term consequences of buying, owning, and maintaining what you are planning to buy. Stop and remember past impulse purchases that you later regretted. Give yourself a “cooldown” period before making your final decision. Avoid shopping to alter your mood. Shopping can temporarily lift you out of a bad mood. But when negative feelings return, you may feel even stronger pressure to seek relief through spending. Instead of shopping to improve your mood, seek out supportive friends or engage in some physical activity, such as t...

 Gossip quiz You discover that a friend has spread gossip about you. How easy is it for you to ignore what happened? No problem Difficult Impossible You discover that a friend has spread gossip about you. How easy is it for you to approach your friend (calmly) to discuss the problem? No problem Difficult Impossible

What you can do First, identify the type of people you find it most challenging to fit in with. Age: I don’t fit in with . . . peers older youths adults Performance: I don’t fit in with people who are . . . athletic talented intellectual Personality: I don’t fit in with people who are . . . confident popular in a clique Second, pick the statement that describes your typical reaction to being with the people you identified above. I pretend to have similar interests or abilities. I ignore their interests and talk about my own. I stay quiet and look for the first opportunity to leave. Third, take the initiative! You can’t always expect people to reach out to you; sometimes you have to reach out to them. How can you do that? Look outside your age group. Think about it: Why limit yourself to one age group and then complain that you can’t find friends? That would be like starving to death on a desert...