Today, modern technology allows us to make hundreds, or even
thousands, of social network “friends” by merely adding their names to our list
of computer contacts. And when we wish to end one of these “friendships,” we
simply delete that person’s name from our list. However, true friendship still
eludes many.
Like most people, you probably agree that good friends are
important. You may also recognize that there is more to being a friend than
simply clicking links on a computer screen or a smartphone. What do you look
for in a friend? How can you be a good friend? What does it take to forge a
lasting friendship?
1. Show
That You Really Care
True friendship involves commitment. In other words, a good
friend feels a responsibility toward you, and he really cares about you. Of
course, such commitment is two-way, and it requires hard work and sacrifice on
both sides. But the rewards are worth the effort. Ask yourself, ‘Am I willing
to give of myself, my time, and my resources for my friend?’ Remember, to have
a good friend, you first need to be a good friend.
WHAT PEOPLE LOOK FOR IN A FRIEND
Like cultivating a beautiful garden, building a friendship
requires a lot of time and care. Start by wanting to be a good friend yourself.
Be generous in showing affection and personal interest. And be willing to
sacrifice your time when you are needed. Modern-day society encourages egotism
rather than altruism. So it means a lot when someone takes a sincere interest
in you without necessarily expecting anything in return.
Remember the golden rule: “Just as you want men to do to
you, do the same way to them. Practice giving and people will give to
you. Such generosity nurtures good friendships. If you expend
yourself in behalf of your friends without expecting anything in return, they
will naturally feel drawn to you.
2. Be a Good Communicator
A true friendship cannot flourish without regular communication.
So talk together about the interests you share. Listen to what your friend has
to say, and respect his opinions. Whenever possible, commend and encourage him.
At times, a friend may need advice or even correction, and that may not always
be easy to give. However, a loyal friend will have the courage to point out a
serious fault and offer tactful guidance.
WHAT PEOPLE LOOK FOR IN A FRIEND
A true friend should be able to express his opinions freely but
not get upset if you don’t agree.
What I value most are friends who are willing to spend time with
me and listen to me, especially when I have problems.
True friends will tell you the truth—even if they know it will hurt—because they have your best interests at heart.
Good friends always appreciate a listening ear. Monopolizing the
conversation, however, conveys the message that we feel our opinions are more
important than theirs. So be attentive when a friend wishes to share his
innermost thoughts and concerns. And do not get offended if he is honest with
you
3. Have Realistic Expectations
The closer we get to a friend, the more likely we are to see his
flaws. Our friends are not perfect, but neither are we. Therefore, we should
never expect or demand perfection from the people we befriend. Rather, it is
good to cherish their virtues and to make allowances for their mistakes.
WHAT PEOPLE LOOK FOR IN A FRIEND
We often have higher expectations of others than we have of
ourselves. If we recognize our own mistakes and our own need for forgiveness,
then we’re more willing to forgive others.
Accept the fact that your friends will make mistakes. When
problems arise, we do well to resolve them quickly and try hard to forget.
4. Widen Your Circle of Friends
True, we need to be selective about the people we befriend. But
that does not mean narrowing our choice of friends to those of a certain age or
upbringing. Taking an interest in people of all ages and cultural backgrounds.
WHAT PEOPLE LOOK FOR IN A FRIEND
Making friends with only those who are your age and have the
same tastes as you is like wearing clothing in your favorite color all the
time. No matter how much you like that color, at some point you may end up
getting bored with it.
Widening my circle of friends has given me the opportunity to
mature as a person. I’ve learned to get along with people of all ages and
backgrounds, and that has made me more outgoing and adaptable. And my friends
really appreciate that.