THE CHALLENGE
Thanks to technology, you can connect with more people—and do so more conveniently—than at any other time in history. Still, the relationships you have might seem rather shallow.
Why is it such a challenge these days to enjoy enduring and meaningful friendships?
Technology may be partly to blame. Texting, social networking, and other social media have made it seem possible to maintain a friendship without being in someone’s presence. Meaningful conversations have been replaced by rapid-fire texts and tweets. People are having fewer face-to-face interactions. Students spend more time in front of a screen and less time with each other.
But cannot texting and social media help you keep in touch with people and thereby strengthen your friendships? Yes—especially if you also have an offline relationship with those people. Often, however, social media merely builds bridges to others without drawing you any closer to them.
What Can You Do?
Define real friendship. A friend is someone who “sticks closer than a brother.” Is that the kind of friend you want? Is that the kind of friend you are? To help you answer those questions, write down three qualities that you would want a friend to have. Then write down three qualities that you bring to a friendship. Ask yourself: ‘Which of my online contacts display the qualities that I value in a friend? Which qualities would those friends say I bring to the friendship?’
Establish priorities. Online friendships are often based on a shared interest, such as a hobby. However, having common values is more important than having similar interests.
Get out and meet people. There is nothing quite the same as face-to-face conversation, where you and another person can observe the subtle nuances of voice tone, facial expression, and body language.
Write a letter. Old-fashioned as it may seem, letter writing sends the message that you care enough about someone to give him or her your undivided attention. That kind of focus is rare in today’s multitasking world.
Bottom line: Real friendship involves more than just keeping in touch. It requires that you and your friend display love, empathy, patience, and forgiveness. Those qualities ultimately make a friendship rewarding. But they are difficult to display when you only talk online. Do you agree?
