What you can do
First, identify the type of people you find it most challenging to fit in with.
Age:
I don’t fit in with . . .
- peers
- older youths
- adults
Performance:
I don’t fit in with people who are . . .
- athletic
- talented
- intellectual
Personality:
I don’t fit in with people who are . . .
- confident
- popular
- in a cliqueSecond, pick the statement that describes your typical reaction to being with the people you identified above.
- I pretend to have similar interests or abilities.
- I ignore their interests and talk about my own.
- I stay quiet and look for the first opportunity to leave.
Third, take the initiative! You can’t always expect people to reach out to you; sometimes you have to reach out to them. How can you do that?
Look outside your age group. Think about it: Why limit yourself to one age group and then complain that you can’t find friends? That would be like starving to death on a desert island when there are fish swimming all around you!
Develop conversational skills. The key is to (1) listen, (2) ask questions, and (3) show genuine interest.
Try to be a listener rather than a talker. And when you talk, try not to talk about yourself or put others in a negative light.
If a person wants to talk about something that you are not familiar with, ask the person to explain, which will hopefully make the person talk to you even more.
You are a shy person, so you have to push yourself to converse. But to make friends, you have to be friendly. So put in effort to start talking.