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Consoling Adult Survivors of Childhood Trauma

  1. Listen, listen, listen. When a child skins his knee, his first impulse is to run to Mommy or Daddy for comfort. But an abused child may never even have had that option. So as an adult, he still has that same need, to tell, to talk it out, to be comforted by a sympathetic listener.  
  2. Expose the lies.
    Abuse teaches children that they are dirty, unlovable, worthless. These ideas can make a healthy relationship very difficult. So expose the lies, and replace them with the truth—gently, repeatedly, patiently. 
  3. Speak consolingly. Each individual is unique. Similarly, telling abuse survivors simply to forget the past may do more harm than good. If they could do so, likely they would have and would not have needed help to arrive at such a simple solution.  Remember, theirs is a severe emotional trauma. For comparison’s sake, just imagine coming upon a car crash victim lying moaning amid the wreckage. Would you just tell him not to think about the pain? Clearly, more is needed.
    If you are not sure that what you are saying is consoling and helpful, why not ask the depressed one? 

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