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Friendship or Romance? What Signals Am I Sending?

You like to be available when a friend needs to talk. And lately you’ve been talking to one friend a lot. The problem is, it’s someone of the opposite sex. ‘We’re just friends,’ you tell yourself, assuming that the other person feels the same way. Should you be concerned?

 What can happen

It’s not wrong to have friends of the opposite sex. But what if you develop a special friendship with one person over others? In that case, he or she may well conclude that you want more than friendship.
Not the message you want to send? Consider some ways that it might happen, even inadvertently.
  • You give someone too much attention.
    Although you can’t control someone else’s feelings, you shouldn’t add fuel to the fire by saying you’re just friends but then calling and talking to that person all the time.
  • You respond to someone’s attention.
    I didn’t initiate the texting, but I always replied to one girl’s numerous messages. After that, it was difficult for me to explain to her that I viewed her as just a friend.
  • You encourage someone’s attention.
    Some people think flirting is a game. They play with others’ feelings without being serious about a relationship.
The bottom line: Regular communication and attention send signals of romantic interest.

 Why it matters

  • It hurts the other person.
    There’s an expression, ‘Keeping someone on the hook.’ It refers to when you’ve caught a fish but you neither release it nor reel it in. That can happen in a relationship. If you aren’t interested in dating but you keep someone ‘on the hook,’ you will cause that person a lot of pain.
  • It hurts your reputation.
    A boy who flirts with girls is unattractive to me. And flirting may be a foregleam of disloyalty in marriage. It’s using someone to give you an ego-boost, and that’s selfish.
The bottom line: People who send signals of romantic interest with no intention of pursuing a relationship hurt others and themselves.

 What you can do

  • If you are married, dont flirt with someone else’s spouse. It’s good practice now, while single, to be balanced when dealing with the opposite sex.
  • There’s really no need to text a girl on a daily basis unless you plan on dating her.
  • Try to keep my conversations friendly but at arm’s length—literally and figuratively.
The bottom line: Carefully scrutinize your conduct with the opposite sex. Good friendships are hard to come by and you don’t want to ruin them by sending mixed signals.

 Tips

  • Pay attention to others’ comments. If someone asks, “Are you and so-and-so dating?” it might indicate that you’ve gotten too close.
  • Be consistent with your friends of the opposite sex. Do not single out one person and give him or her more attention than others.
  • Be careful with texting—including the frequency of the texts, their content, and the time of day that you send them. You don’t need to be texting someone of the opposite sex at midnight.

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