What Is a Real Man?

CHALLENGE 1: Popular misconceptions about manhood

What some people say:

• Real men are tough; they don’t cry.
• Real men don’t let anyone tell them what to do.
• Men are better than women.

Another way to look at it:
 Manhood is the opposite of boyhood—not the opposite of womanhood. You become a real man when you leave behind the traits of a child. In other words, the more you replace childish ways of thinking, speaking, and acting with 

matureways of thinking, speaking, and acting, the more you prove yourself to be a real man.

Try this: On a sheet of paper, write down your answers to the following questions:

1. In what areas have I already made progress in putting away “the traits of a child”?
2. In what areas can I improve?

CHALLENGE 2: Lack of a wholesome father figure

What some people say:

• If your father isn’t in the picture, you’ll never really learn what it means to be a man.
• If your father set a poor example, you’re doomed to repeat his mistakes.

Another way to look at it: Even if you’ve had a less-than-ideal childhood, you are not doomed to fail! You can rise above your circumstances. 

Admittedly, it can be difficult to grow up with an inattentive father—or no father at all. what can you do about it?

Try this: Find a mentor—someone who sets a good example as a man.

 Ask him which qualities he believes are especially important in a real man. Then ask him how you can develop those qualities in yourself.

BOY VERSUS MAN

A child can often be,,,

• rude.
• self-centered.
• focused on having fun.
• ruled by his emotions.

A real man endeavors to be...

• respectful.
• self=sacrificing.
• responsible.
• in control of his emotions.

FATHERS

To a large extent, your son will base his definition of what it means to be a man on your example if you treat your wife with respect, you are teaching your son to treat women with respect, If you work hard to provide for your family, even if doing so requires doing menial or tiring work, you are teaching your son to work hard and be responsible.

Perhaps your relationship with your own father was less than ideal. Maybe your father didn't have a good relationship with his father. But remember: You have a chance to break the cycle. Don't waste that opportunity! Choose to stay close to your son. Set a good example for him and he may well grow up to be a real man, a man whom you will be proud to call your son.

MOTHERS

Avoid making unfavorable comparisons to your husband. Suppose, for example that your son makes a mistake that reminds you of your husband. You might be tempted to blurt out: " Stop that! You're being just like your father!" Granted you are right to counsel your son for his mistake. But remember" if your words or actions imply that everything your husband does is wrong, you may unwittingly hinder your son's growth into manhood.

Support your husband's involvement in his son's life. Encourage them to spend time together and look for opportunities to highlight your husband's positive qualities and the good things that he does. Such comments will help your son to learn from the good aspects of his father's example.